Tuesday, March 25, 2008

So Give Me Something To Believe

Still no word back from the boy. It's hardly been a day and a half, but I still want the letter to be ash. It's to the point of making me sick to my stomach. When I think about it. Which is pretty much always.
I realized today that even though I am on Spring Break, I should prolly actually work on school stuff. I was trying my damnest to ignore it, but really? I don't want to be uber stressed out in two weeks when I am overwhelmed with midterms and papers and homeworks. Yuck! So I seriously need to finish up the homework that was due last Friday that my teacher decided to give us the break to finish up. And? 15 page paper comes to mind. And seeing as how I completely skipped over the undergrad Astrophysics class (it was cancelled, so I went straight into the grad level Astrophysics course), I have a lot of research to do on my topic (X-Ray Binary Formation and Evolution) before I can even do the research. Since I have zero background on the subject except a nice picture in my brain of a star swirling around a black hole which is gobbling up the star's mass (pretty picture, actually... but I can't write 15 pages on how much I think the picture is pretty, right?), I need to actually LEARN about X-Ray Binary Systems before I can delve right into reading 5 recent physics journal arcticles on the topic (not the easiest of tasks, if you've ever tried to read a physics journal article on a topic you know nothing about...). And then come up with 15 pages to write about! Wooooo! And a smidgen of hoo to boot.
So that's where I've been all semester. Learning about stuff so I can learn about stuff. I guess that's what Grad school is all about? I dunno. I'm not even sure anymore that I want to even do Astrophysics. It's pretty hard! But then what? I kinda like Quantum. I hear there's a Quantum Astrophysics field that is up and coming... I'll have to look into that. After the paper is done, of course. Providing I ever even start it. Teehee. Such the procrastinator, I am.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Black Holes and Revelations

Sarah made a booboo yesterday. She told the boy that she is in love with him. What the eff, man?!?!? What was I thinking? Was I even thinking at all? Everything was all fine and good and we had a fun night at D&B's on Saturday night. Sunday morn, he went to take a shower and get ready for family gathering nonsense and by the time he came back, I was in tears. So here's the deal. We've been dating for (almost) 6 months and I kinda feel like we're in limbo-land. I understand that he has girlfriend issues right now because of some past bull that he had to deal with... but I just can't sit idylly by anymore. I have feelings too! And if he isn't going to step up to the plate at some point, now is the time for me to know. I guess that's my argument. I dunno anymore. I was sad because all these doubts are totally overwhelming. But in the end, I had to tell him. He was utterly confused as to why I was happy when he left me and in tears when he came back. I had to tell him something, why not the truth? So now I dunno. He wanted me to write everything down because sometimes it's easier to get thoughts out on paper. I would have agreed with him 5 years ago. But writing all that stuff down just made me feel icky inside. Basically it was like this, "Here's how I feel - and here's why I am sad because of it." So it was a pretty depressing note by the end, in my opinion. I wanted to burn it. I still do. But he talked me into letting him keep it so he could mull it over for a few days and get back to me. Then I'll burn it. I want no evidence of 4 pages of negative thoughts roaming around my life. Blegh. So now I wait until he has some sort of organized feedback for me. I felt worse before I saw him last night. He keeps telling me not to worry... but the last time I said "I love you" to someone, he broke my heart immediately following. I know Ry wants nothing to do with another broken Sarah heart... so I hope he can move forward with me.
Oh yeah and Wooooooo Spring Break!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Empty Walls

Hey all!
I went and saw Serj Tankian on Saturday night at the Warfield. Awesome. With a little sprinkle of FANTABULOUS on top! What a good show! And the Warfield? I forgot how utterly awesome that place is!!! I went with the boy - who is not my boyfriend, but technically he is cuz we are exclusive but whatever.
Shortest post ever. More to come when I'm not at work haha.