Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Quite the Predicament!

I'm not even totally sure it is a predicament... but I do feel at a loss as to what I should do (or even what I really want to do!). So maybe someone could give me some enlightening words of advise?
Last week I went on a tour of our Oakland Lab. Yeah, yeah, I know I've been working here for a pretty long time and it's a wee sad that I hadn't toured the lab until last week, but at least I finally had the opportunity to do so! Gary, the president of CEL, offered the tour to those of us who had not had the chance to do so yet. Our Oakland lab consists of the following departments: CEL Consulting (Metals Lab, Forensics Lab, Structural Lab, Temp-Screw, and Consulting Services), Soils Lab, Concrete Lab, and X-Ray. I found the tour pretty interesting... mostly because I love labs (I love lamp). Jay Dorst runs the metals lab/temp-screw department and very much so appreciated my enthusiasm. So much so, in fact, that since my return to the ever-lovable A/P department, he has been calling all of the big-wigs to express interest in my transfer to his department in the Oakland lab.
So then the VP of the company says that he spoke with Jay and that we could always work something out if I wanted to go over there. I said it was in the back of my mind, but I really wasn't looking to move around until Grad School started up and I have to go part time anyways. But then Gary (the Pres) brings it up to me also, saying that he spoke with Jay as well. I guess Jay could really use the help or something! So Gary gave me a similar story, saying that he would be willing to work something out with me if I wanted to go the lab. He said that I could always have a trial period where I could go visit the lab for awhile to get a feel for things without losing my position here.
So, I dunno what to do. I talked to my parents who really want me to try this thing out. I know how much I love working in a lab, I just don't know that this, persay, is what I want to be doing in the lab... whatever this is, exactly. Maybe I should do the trial thing?
See, here's the thing. I'm really excited about going back to school and getting my phD and all that good stuff, and I am afraid that it will be easier for me to not go back to finish if I have a job that I like! So would it not be better to stay in this semi-crappy position that pays fairly decently in order to motivate me to "stay in school"?
And therein lies the predicament.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Is Narcolepsy Contagious?

Music I've Recently Purchased:
Death Cab For Cutie - Plans
Madonna - Confessions on a Dance Floor
Sublime - Gold

Clothes I've Recently Purchased:
Lost Numbers T-Shirt
Red Cords

Listening to Right Now:
Live 105 Online

Did at Lunch:
Drove down Bollinger Canyon to see if the zebra was out... it wasn't, but I did see an ostrich! Talked to some people who live next door to zebra-man and discovered that zebra-owner-man is a zoo psychologist (I think that's what he said...) and there are actually more than one!

Did Last Night:
Sushi with Mom
Spent time with Katy MacMillan who is 7 months prego and called to invite me to the baby shower in April... instead of calling her back, I showed up at her door! I miss her so very much, I forget until I see her again. Note to self: Self, keep in touch with Katy! She's living in Hayward again (and right down the hill from the SJSJ crew!), you no longer have excuses! Baby = girl... Name = Molly (tentatively)

Doing Right Now:
Eating Sunflower Seeds (ie, SALT)

End Transmission

Sunday, March 12, 2006

I Know Where You Live Now

Once upon a time I knew What I wanted from this life.
And then
There was you... waltzing in and out of my life
Until butting into my dance.
Not that I truly minded -
Playing your games was the only prerequisite.
Maybe I didn't play them long enough...
Every facet of your being
Was all I wanted to see.
Yet the more I played along,
The further you drifted from me...
Hiding behind a plethora of vocabulary words
And metaphors of song.
Now I wonder who you really are
And what you really wanted from me.
Boys smell nice.
It stains my clothes.
So night sweats masquerade as you,
So quiet and still next to me.
Did you discover sleep, I wonder -
Is that what's taken you from me?
I wonder if you even see
What you're doing and what it truly does to me.
This pipe I smoke to make it stop.
To make the pain you gave me turn to thoughts.
I want to sleep, but in your dreams
You've lost all hopes and faiths in me.
So when I'm gone you'll think no less,
Since life goes on in happiness.
But where will I end up in this,
When everything returns to bliss?
I know where you live now,
I've tasted it.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Finally Free!

Do you wanna know what I hate? People who don't even have the decency to say goodbye.
It took three months, but at least I can honestly say that I am finally free.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Long Overdue Vacation

Might I begin with: Hooray for going out of town!
My superb weekend started on Friday with a note from my boss describing the raise she got for me effective today! Weee! It may sound egotistical, but I love receiving appreciation for my hard work! I was so excited on Friday that I worked an hour and fifteen minutes overtime. But upon escaping, the party could begin!
I was sort of thinking that some food and drink were in order... you know, to celebrate or whatnot. Somewhere in Berekely, perhaps... anywhere, really! The "diet" I am on leaves me pretty much starving at about four o'clock. I digress - I called my family first, to tell them the excellent news, and then I called the Jessa-Bean to see if she wanted to partake in some festivities with me since Simone was having dinner family time with her sis from out of town. She didn't answer, so I called the Logan to see what his plans were for the evening. They pretty much consisted of car-work before the trek to Twain Harte on Saturday. By the by, Jessa ended up calling me back so I found something to do! The plan was to go out drinking in Brentwood with Ben's brother and friends from out of town... but then we turned lazy. Jessa wanted to get all her online accounting homework done before our trip to the mountains (makes sense!), and that wound up taking a bit longer than anticipated. Plus there was pizza and pie for roommate Max's B-Day (that no one showed up to...) and blunts, oh my! Long story short, we rented the movie Waiting... and bought some booze and just laid back at Ben's for the evening.
At 8 in the morning on the following day, Logan, Kristen, and myself awoke to prepare for the trip! Kristen's parents bought a cabin in Twain Harte about a year ago and they were nice enough to let us use it for the weekend!
Simone and Austin met us at our house in Oakland and we were on the road around 9. We were really shooting to get up there in time for a half day run at Dodge, but it didn't so much work out that way. We made a couple of stops for food, coffee, and lift tickets before our arrival in Twain Harte. The cabin was.... well, it was a house. It was pretty immaculate, really. 4 Rooms with a total of 6 beds, 2 bathrooms, full kitchen, living room with a wood burning stove... you get the picture.
Once we were sufficiently settled, Kristen and Logan traversed to the store for food while Simone, Austin, and myself searched for means to a fire (ie, logs small enough to fit into the wood burning stove). When this didn't work, we went back to television watching and laziness! Wee! We watched the end of Punch Drunk Love before the K&L returned with a ton of delicious treats! And that's when the eating began. It pretty much didn't end until I got home on Sunday, but at least it was good food!
Ben and Jessa showed up around 8 or so and Logan had bought BBQ treats, so we grubbed pretty hard and put on Forrest Gump (the movie selection was a little on the sad side) before retiring for the night.
Ok, so today is Thursday and I still haven't finished this freakin' post! I need to write more than a sentence per day if I'll ever finish! Ha!
Sunday morning was an early one, as far as vacations are concerned! We wanted to be on the road by about 8:30 to have a full day on the mountain. It actually worked out pretty well. I showered and Kristen made yumyum breakfast. She bought Soyrizo from the market along with eggs and etc for breakfast burritos and it was de-lish! An excellent breakfast to start out an active day!
It started out as a pretty nice day, not too cold or stormy. This was sort of nice except that the snow wasn't all together awesome. It was snow, though, so I wasn't complaining so much. I almost rented a board but thought better about spending the day on my arse and got skis. It turned out to be the wiser decision because it meant I could actually hang with my friends!
Kristen used to work at Dodge Ridge about 2 years ago, so she kind of knew the ropes and took us to the back side of the mountain. It was beautiful! The snow was a little better and the lifts moved a lot faster. Not everything was open due to the lack of snow, but it was enough to play with. She took us down 2 pretty difficult runs right off the bat... I'm thinking it was not intentional, but it got me a little shakey! It seems, however, that Dodge Ridge's hard runs are the equivalent to Kirkwood's medium runs, so even the hard ones weren't too bad... it was generally just a little steep for a second and then pretty mellow after that.
Anyhoo... after playing for awhile we got hungry and met at the lodge for some warm food. We had planned on bringing a lunch with us, but it didn't so much work out that way. Warm food was better in my opinion anyways. I had Clam Chowder in a bread bowl which was actually good! Or else I was just that hungry which is equally possible. Beer was had by all before lift-ing all the way back up to the top.
The damn lift at the bottom was so slow! Plus, it had started storming during our lunch break so it was also freezing and snowing. By the time we reached the top we were covered in snow and shivering. We managed to make it down to the back side of the mountain again for one more lift before closing. I wasn't sure how much more I could endure, it was so cold. I've probably been in colder ski conditions in the past, but in comparison to the earlier portion of the day, this was pretty bad! It was windy, which made it very difficult to see and my chin was so cold I was trying to ski with the bottom half of my face in my jacket.
Needless to say, I ditched them all to get to the bottom via the fastest means possible. The burning in my legs was intense, but I made it down in one piece and retuned my rented gear in time to meet up with Ben and Logan in the lodge getting hot chocolate.
We made it home... unfortunately all the coffee shops were closed, but Simone, Jessa, and Austin had been on excursions throughout the day that involved buying non-decaf coffee (which Kristen had mistakenly bought the day previous) so yay!
Eventually we made it back to Oakland and I watched some Grey's Anatomy before hitting the hay! Logan and Kristen stayed up for another day (to themselves), so I had a nice big quiet and peaceful house.
Ok... so I know the post got a wee vague toward the end, but I want to get this up and posted before this weekend arrives!
Tata for now, my loverlies!
*RM*

Thursday, February 23, 2006

I love this girl!

How well do you know the first person on your top eight...fill in the blanks about them...

1. Name: Sarah (poohead, poo)

2. age: 24

3. birthday: 4/8

4. how long have you known this person: 10 or 11 years

5. are you related: No but we might as well be

6. where does this person live: Oakland, Ca

7. how often do you see them: Not often enough

8. when was the last time you talked in person: 2ish weeks ago

9. on myspace: Never

10. on the phone: last week.

11. how did you meet this person: We went to High School together. I always called her Tanya

12. their favorite color: Blue. Red

13. when will you see this person next: Not soon enough

14. Have you ever kissed this person: Yes

15. What kind of music do they like: A mix of everything

16. whats their best feature: Her hair is pretty keen with the dye and fun colors.

17. whats your favorite memory of this person: All of them

18. what does this person like to do for fun: Hang out with pals

19. what are your true feelings toward this person: She is the little sister I never had.

20. in 10 years do you think you'd still place this person at the top of your top 8: Yes

repost this with the title:
"how well do you know the 1st person in your top 8"

(From my Myspace page via Sierra - smoochies, girl!)

Anyone as bored as me right now?

* Raevyn is _____.
* Raevyn needs ______.
* I want to _____ Raevyn.
* Raevyn can ______.
* Someday Raevyn will _______.
* Raevyn reminds me of _______.
* Without Raevyn _________.
* Raevyn can be _______.
* Raevyn is always _______.
* Worst thing about Raevyn is ________.
* Best thing about Raevyn is ________.
* I think Raevyn should _________.
* If Raevyn were an animal, she would be a ______.
* Right now, I bet Raevyn is thinking about _______.
* Raevyn makes me want to _______.
* If I could spend the day with Raevyn, I'd ____________.
* I'd ______ for Raevyn.
* Raevyn is made of _________.
* Raevyn is the _________.
* If I could be Raevyn for a day, I'd ______.
* I want to give Raevyn a ________.
* The song _____ by _____ reminds me of Raevyn.
* If I were with Raevyn right now I would ______.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Test Taking For Dummies

Well, I have finally admitted that I need help. More so, I have forked out the dough necessary for me to achieve the scores I feel are required to get into the Grad School of my choosing. $1099!!! That's a lot of moo-lah! But... for better scores guaranteed, I'm willing to try anything.
My first class was last Wednesday, and we spent the majority of the two and a half hours taking a diagnostic test. You know, to see where we are each starting off the class so that the "higher score guarantee" (or "HSG" as the teacher and course book refer to it) actually applies. Here's what I know thus far:

Scores from actual GRE taken in October 2005:
Verbal: 510/800
Quantitative: 710/800
Essay Questions: 5/6

Here were my scores last week for the Diagnostic:
Verbal: 530/800
Quantitative: 670/800

So I guess it's about the same... the tests were awful. The actual GRE took about 4.5 hrs in total to complete... The diagnostic took about 2 (no essay questions). The diagnostic consisted of 4 sections, each 30 minutes in length: Verbal, Quantitative, Verbal, Quantitative. I ran out of time in all four sections. Which tells me one thing right of the bat - I need to work on time management in a serious way. I'll never get higher scores unless I can learn to manage my time better!
Ok, well I guess I'll do some work now...

But first:

Arena

(known to self and others)

accepting, dependable, giving, intelligent, silly

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

able, bold, brave, caring, cheerful, clever, complex, confident, energetic, friendly, happy, helpful, idealistic, independent, kind, knowledgeable, loving, observant, self-assertive, shy, spontaneous, trustworthy, warm, witty

Façade

(known only to self)

logical

Unknown

(known to nobody)

adaptable, calm, dignified, extroverted, ingenious, introverted, mature, modest, nervous, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, responsive, searching, self-conscious, sensible, sentimental, sympathetic, tense, wise

Dominant Traits

57% of people agree that Raevyn Mystique is intelligent

All Percentages

able (14%) accepting (14%) adaptable (0%) bold (28%) brave (14%) calm (0%) caring (14%) cheerful (14%) clever (14%) complex (14%) confident (14%) dependable (28%) dignified (0%) energetic (28%) extroverted (0%) friendly (28%) giving (14%) happy (14%) helpful (14%) idealistic (14%) independent (42%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (57%) introverted (0%) kind (14%) knowledgeable (14%) logical (0%) loving (28%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (14%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (14%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (0%) sentimental (0%) shy (14%) silly (14%) spontaneous (42%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (14%) warm (14%) wise (0%) witty (14%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 22.2.2006, using data from 7 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Raevyn Mystique's full data.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

It's a yurt, silly!

I meant yurt.

Oops.

*~*RM~*~

Fun Times At The Yert!

If only it were still the weekend! Then this stoopid day would never have come to pass. It only reminds me of bad times, of lonely times. I've become comfortable in my lonliness... enough to even say I'm not as lonely anymore. I'd say that's a good thing! I've been walking a lot lately. It's been so nice outside I can't resist myself! Who wants to sit at a desk for 8 hours straight, anyways? So I grab my little red mp3 player and march on out the door when the clock strikes 12 and just walk. So far it's only been down Bollinger Canyon, but I like that street. I walk about 15 minutes in one direction and then 15 minutes back to the chair. Not too shabby, it's about a mile and a half or so all together.

Yesterday, I didn't walk. My calves hurt. I went to the yert over this last beautiful (did I mention beautiful?) weekend with Ben, Jessa, and Simone. Jamohn and Sally stopped by on their way to Monteray (which I'm pretty sure is not on the way, but it was still nice to see them!) and Logan and Kristen actually showed up in the late night to join in the festivites! Fun was had by all. We spent much of the night attempting to make the playstation work as a dvd player, but to no avail. Well, to minor avail. We managed to get the Matrix:Reanimated to work, but no one was really into watching that one (again). So mostly Ben played video games and we chatted and ate. And ate. And ate. And ate. We ate a lot! For some reason, camping = eating. I don't know.

Sunday morning we all woke up pretty early and drove down to Boulder Creek in Logan's Suburban ("Big Foot" - yes, Logan is now in charge of Big Foot! Yay!) for coffee and breakfast downtown. Boulder Creek is awesome. Everything is very mountain-y, which I love. Little art stores all over and coffee shops that aren't Starbucks (and actually better, yum yum for the Mocha Chai!) and pubs, etc. You get the picture. So we grubbed on some breakfasts and coffees and meandered to Big Basin for a wee hike. Not so wee obviously, since my calves hurt.

Big Basin was just as I remebered it. I love that place. We actually haven't been camping there in a couple of years, but I must say it's one of my favorite spots. Many a memory there with a miasma of different people. Some good, some not so good. But memories, no less. Usually when I go with my family we do the bike riding thing, so it was nice to hike a little. We went on the Sempervipen Falls hike, about 5 miles, I'd say, round trip. Easy hiking for the most part. Unfortunately the whole hike there followed alongside the road that leads to the campgrounds, so it lacked a little there. The waterfall was huge and flowing incredibly well! Ban wanted to jump in but there were the signs posted and once we cooled down from the hike he realized how cold it would be. It still would've been fun, I say. From the waterfall we found a nook near Slippery Rock for "resting" and from there we hiked a different way back, not alongside the road. Now, I'm all about walking in circles instead of straight lines, so I was glad we all finally consulted the $3 trail map we bought at Headquarters instead of walking back the same way we came in. It was much nicer, quieter, and a little more challenging. I'm thinking that's where my calves kicked in full time. It was a lot of up on the offset, but followed the creek for pretty much the rest of the way.

Then, back to the yert we went for clean up and packing. This went pretty swiftly by and we were back on the road. It took about an hour to drive home and we vegged at Ben's while he BBQ-ed and I was pooped so I traversed home pretty early for some shower and sleep.

Like I said, why does the weekend have to be over already? I have next Monday off which is yay, but no plans yet. The cabin will be the following weekend - I hope it snows before then! Geesh it's like Springtime here already!

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Raevyn%20Mystique

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Monday, January 23, 2006

Where Did Raevyn Go?

So I haven't written much in awhile... here's what I've been up to (ie, here's what I've been doing instead of writing intersting and/or moving things):

Rock Climbing: Not only does it make me feel like a super-hero, but it’s good for the exercise as well! Tuesdays at 6 pm in Berkeley with the roomies plus Cliff and Aariel

Travel Arrangements I am currently working on:
Twainheart/Dodge Ridge for Snow Funtimes! 2/10-2/12/06 (tentative dates)
Vegas for my birthday, baby! 4/7-4/9/06
Burning Man for an Escape from Reality Experience! 8/28-9/4/06
Backpacking Adventures in the Wilderness for a Bonding Experience with the Friends! Summer 2006 Sometime
Belize... for no apparent reason except that I want to go! October 2006

TV Shows I am Watching this Season:
Lost
CSI and CSI: Miami
Grey’s Anatomy
24
My Name Is Earl
Bones
House
NCIS
The Simpsons
Family Guy

And of course the occasional poker night with The Crew!

My weekends are pretty much left to drinking and hiking (and football on Sundays).

So that's where I've been, where are you?

*RM*

Friday, January 06, 2006

Happy New Year

Boys are stoopid.
Yeah, yeah girls are stoopid too but that's not the point.
The point is that boys are stoopid.
I don't wanna cry anymore.
Anyone up for a good ol' fashioned drowning of the sorrows?
*RM*
Note to self: Don't answer the door anymore, it only causes more grief. Or if you do, make sure a bottle of something alcoholic is in the other hand.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Rack 'Em

Phew! I made it out alive! I feel like utter crap-ola, but I think somehow I may just make it out semi-alive. Hooray for drinking!
So yesterday was the bridal shower. Why do I always start my sentences with so? Anyways, bridal showers are fun. There was delicious appetizers (shrimp and veggies and spinach/artichoke dip and li'l smokies and mozzarella sticks) and even more delicious mimosas. Plus I finally gotted (yep, gotted is a word in RM dictamanary) to see Taylor and Sarah (Christine's sis, not myself) and Carla and Sheila, so that was awesome. I love my NC girls! And Sheila's like my own mom in southern form, a wee weird since she's actually from Cali and currently living in Live-No-More. She wants to have lunch since she isn't working now and she lives about 5 minutes from my work... I think that can be arranged. I know she misses her girls and would love to see me more, so I should really make more of an effort to see her and Dani.
After the shower we all came back to the house to wind down and prepare for the drinking. Carla and Taylor had gone straight to Rack 'Em, so we went to meet them there. Maybe 6ish? More like 7. Pretty early, in other words. Carla bought everyone the first drink of the night - a shot of SoCo and lime juice. It was actually pretty good! Then we moved to the beers. I had a couple of New Castles (guys at the bar kept buying us rounds-it was freakin awesome!) and then too many Surfers. A guy that was far too old kept trying to talk to me and I am too polite so I talked back to him. We attempted to ditch the old guys at some point and traversed to the Sand Bar across the way for some karaoke good times but they followed. One of the regulars Bobby was kind enough to take us under his wing to get their attentions to some of the other single girls there. Thank goodness, they were pretty irritating. And one of them was actually a guys who broke Lizzie's leg 2 weeks ago at a club downtown! Apparently he claimed to have been a Chip n Dale's dancer 20 years ago, so she was dancing with him and she threw her leg up over his shoulder and when she went to put her leg down he knocked her over and broke her leg. Oops! So she was supposed to officiate the wedding but that seems pretty difficult in a full leg cast so I have been designated to help her out. No problem! Anything for my baby-girl! Except that I don't really know all (or any) of the details... I'll do the best I can.
So eventually I had had enough beer and the peeps were getting sleepy... Tina and Jeff wanted their own bed back which they were nice enough to offer me the previous night, so I went and stayed at Carla's. We went back there with Taylor, some guy I don't remember the name of, Bobby, and Mark (oh lala Carla!) and drank more beer and listened to my favorite music ever for many hours! Yay country! They kept singing, it was horrendously awesome. They kept saying "Welcome to the South!" It was hilarious. And awful. But mostly hilarious.
Sleep was a good idea to me at some point, so I laid down while they continued the sing fest in the front room. When I awoke, I had no cell phone so I had to wait for the other drunkies to wake up so I could call anybody to come get me... the only cars were Bobby's and Mark's and Bobby wasn't there and Mark was in with Carla (oh lala Carla!) so I played the waiting game until Carla finally got up at like 2 and I called Christine and she had Jeff come pick me up.
Ok, Jeff just claimed I'm writing War and Peace over here, so I better wrap it up! The end is now, full of eggs and bacy and excedrin and water. Thank you Jeff! The bestest hst in the west... errr... east!
~*~Raevyn Mystique~*~

Friday, December 16, 2005

Sleep Is For The Weak!

Yay for North Carolina! I finally made it! I thought I'd never get here, but I did. I am totally and utterly exhausted but I don't even care. I miss my Tina-Bina!
So I left Oakland at about 10:30 last night and flew into Atlanta. Pretty uneventful flight, really. There was a plane-newbie sitting next to me who kept asking all sorts of questions, but she was a super cute teen from New Orleans so it was all right. I like meeting new people from new places, and I had the window seat so who can complain?!? There was actually a movie on the flight-Wallace and Grommit: Curse of the Wererabbit, but the story got lost on me when my right headphone wouldn't receive any sound unless I manually held the jack in the plug 0.333 of the way in and that wasn't going to happen so yeah, I slept. Woo sleep! Well, I wouldn't necessarily call it sleep since it was on a plane and I probably didn't get the best sleep ever, but I don't remember the movie ending, so yay!
Atlanta was exciting. Ok, I'm an awful liar! I spent over 3.5 hrs there with a crap-load of guys in army gear. Maybe 90% of the terminal were different colored uniforms... I guess everyone's going home for the holidays?
So I fall asleep in the terminal after people watching for an hour or so and wake up right before my flight should be boarding. Emphasis on the should be. Apparently we were one flight attendant short for a long while because we were delayed an hour. It was a pretty Georgian sunrise and that's the end of that story.
The rest of the trip was spent on a teeny tiny plane to Wilmington with maybe 60 people on it. My first time ever actually going up the stairs from the outside! Teehee! So that was only an additional 50 minute trip and I sorta slept thru that as well. Both flights were clear skied and bump free... and my throat feels divine so that's a good sign!
The rest of the day was lounging, eating/drinking at a pub downtown, and shopping at the Cotton Exchange and then a quick jaunt to the mall.
So now it's movie time! Tina just ordered The Ring 2/Ringu double feature. Yep, I'm sleepin well tonight!
~*~Raevyn Mystique~*~

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Welcome To My World

The sky is broken and I think it’ll take a little more than a vaccine to sculpt it all back together… it’s the festering neon distractions that bring me to you in these porcelain twilights… but it’s not like you killed someone… dysfunctional lullabies masquerading as pop songs swim the turbulent waters by our side… control abounds with Excalibur in your hand and my insecure vibrations become highlighted under the luminous shadow of your dominance… the balance profound even to me… if I’m killed by the questions like a cancer then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer… I’d take your steady hand and surrender all control to this desire that consumes me whole if the cosmos so decreed… I’d proudly soar your oceans of the Underworld if it promised this orgasmic Prozac high forever… I know I’m no angel, but does that mean I won’t fly?... but always with a Blink ~ everything’s been augmented and you’re left behind, I’m left behind… again… just a lonely soul in a mysterious sky… Brutally Faithless… and I’m so lonely I don’t even want to be with myself anymore… meet me in Outer Space – we could spend the night watching earth come up… I need you to see this place!... but my stellar garlands that adorn this Armageddon are guarded by tattooed junkies and playboy mommies… by my weaknesses… by me… in the Shadow boy meets man… somehow you sneak past when you caress my paper cut wounds – challenging my everything until there’s a crack in the wall… I tried to find bliss in ignorance, but your tainted purity eclipsed my quest… that matured and worn innocence you have locked inside your layers of atmospheric wisdom… behind the prison bars your maladjusted scales scream under the weight of your gained insight acquired from years of built up trial-and-error experience… of mistakes long since learned from… but it appears even a feather could outweigh the crumb of spiritual intuition remaining on the opposite tray… Chaos lurks in the adjoining cell for that final crumb to combust… your Fallen Angel… I am your pollution manifested in perpetual sound… a Dark Chylde seeking to bring you back the light I fear I’ll never find for myself… just as you are my Lost Reality, I am to you a succubus of sorts, designed to lead you off your path… the sun goes down… I feel the light betray me… I know I’m not perfect… but I can smile….

~*~Raevyn Mystique~*~